Newsletter
March 2007

"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is today." Chinese Proverb

I am always looking for useful information to pass along to the people I work with, so when Marshall Goldsmith's newest book "What Got You Here, Won't Get You There" came across my radar, I was immediately intrigued.

Dr. John Maxwell described Marshall Goldsmith's newest book as follows:

"In recent leadership literature, much has been written on the importance of focusing on strengths. And justifiably so. It's futile to fight against our inborn personalities and unwise to overemphasize improvement of our technical weaknesses. We earn the greatest return by investing in our areas of strength".

"However, one class of weaknesses cannot be ignored - interpersonal weaknesses. Relational flaws are the chink in the armor of the strongest leader. Debilitating behavioral deficiencies can strip a leader of his or her respect and effectiveness."

Hear, hear!

After skimming the book, I wondered "what can I get out of this read for my clients?"

As it turns out the chapter titled "Twenty Habits" hit me like a freight train with no lights on. I was brought up short by the realization that these are habits that not only my clients need to work on, these are habits that I need to work on as well! Such an ‘aha' moment, it made me suddenly want to crawl under the table... isn't self-realization fun?

Below are Goldsmith's Twenty Habits. They are all related to interpersonal weakness' and I believe the competitive and honest amongst us will see ourselves and hopefully will take a step back to make sure that (1) we are aware of these behaviors and (2) identify where we need to make modifications and adjustments, both at work and at home.

These flaws are interpersonal-behavioral flaws and not skills, intelligence or unchangeable personality flaws. All of these areas can be modified and in that modification the workplace (and one's personal life) will become a less toxic environment.

The Twenty Habits:

• Winning too much – This is "winning at all costs" and shows up in very subtle ways. This extremely taxing flaw takes its toll on all those around us.
  
• Adding too much value – The need to add our opinion to every discussion.
• Passing judgment – The need to impose our standards on others.
• Making destructive comments – Sarcasm, cutting remarks usually at the expense of someone else and to make ourselves look better.
• Starting with "No," "But" or "However" – The habit of continually pointing out how others are wrong and I am right.
• Telling the world how smart we are – The need to impress upon people that we are smarter than they think we are.
• Speaking when angry – Using anger as a manipulative management tool.
• Negativity, or "let me explain why that won't work." – Condescending and undermining of others and their ideas and input.
• Withholding Information – Refusing to share information that could help others. This is a control mechanism.
  Failing to give proper recognition – The inability to praise and encourage.
• Claiming credit that we don't deserve – Over-estimating our contribution.
• Making excuses – Constantly blaming circumstances or others for our shortcomings so that people will excuse us, instead of owning our shortcomings and correcting them.
• Clinging to the past – I am not responsible….. I am this way because of my past.
• Playing favorites – Treating people unfairly and refusing to acknowledge and correct it.
• Refusing to express regret – The inability to take responsibility for our actions and/or apologize.
• Not listening – This is the most passive – aggressive form of disrespect in the workplace and on the home front.
• Failing to express gratitude – Selfishly withholding positive feedback.
• Punishing the messenger – Many times this is attacking the people that are trying to help us.
• Passing the buck – Blaming everyone but ourselves.
• An excessive need to be "me" – Exalting or excusing our faults with the excuse of "This is just who I am…."

So, where does one go after reading a list like this?

Let's start by realizing that these behaviors almost all revolve around information, communication and emotion.

Being fully aware and "listening first" will bring better perspective as to where and when these traits show up in our lives. Step back and notice your interactions with others and your reactions to your co-workers. What areas do you struggle with? Victor Frankl reminds us to "always pause between stimulus and response," we do have a choice in our actions and responses.

The first step to change is acknowledgment of our behaviors. Isn't it amazing how once you are "aware" of something (and this can range from something as simple as German Shepherd dogs to a specific behavior) all of a sudden you see the object or behavior everywhere? Mind you this "awareness" should not generate the response: "Oh well, this is simply who I am…" but should move our response to be: "My goodness, I never realized I diminish or shoot people (or their ideas) down in such a brutal way. I need to stop and listen first, and then take some time before responding" or "Do I always have to have the last word?"

I challenge you to start now…. make the effort necessary to increase your awareness and modify these behaviors. Everyday our behaviors, good or bad, have an incredible impact on those we work and live with. Our goal as leaders is to develop the people we work with past what they think they can accomplish, and possibly even past what we ourselves are capable of. Years from now when we look back over our live s, both professional and personal, we do not want it riddled with behavioral baggage that we could or should have done something about.

"You are here.
You can get there!
Let the journey begin."
Marshall Goldsmith

Lindsay

Windridge Consulting LLC
425-697-2700
www.windridgeconsulting.com

425-697-2700 / 888-805-7845